Rammstein the Movie Need for Benzin
by echosdusk
Summary: As seen on Youtube, the story of a German Tanzmetal band, Rammstein, on a journey to regain their good name. But they're got enemies everywhere with the AA and a group of lookalikes! What humerous adventures lie ahead for the eccentric band?
1. In Hiding

**Chapter One: In Hiding**

_Ok, if any of you have ever been on "Youtube" and found trailers for "Rammstein the Movie", well that's the creation of my sister and myself. I'm the choreographer for those trailers and I was going to be the writer too, so here's what that movie would be if only we could either animate, draw reasonably well, found enough clips, or got incredibly lucky. By the way, Rammstein are copyright to the band members and so on and so forth. So here's the movie for you in several action-packed and humorous parts. Please note, this story is not made from fact._

* * *

In a firehouse a long way away, there were six men shuffling through life like they didn't care, or did they? Their clothes were smutty and their faces and skin were tarnished with grime and soot. The days in this almost invisible small town somewhere in Europe, not far from mountains but cut off from the rest of the world, were filled with boredom but solace. They sat within the only room above the garage, some sleeping and some pondering amidst the grot of the house, if it could only be called a house. 

Already one of the six had attempted to join a monastery, done quite well, until one of his companions had come along and kidnapped him. But Flake did not let this bother him as he carefully read over a very technical magazine about keyboards, muttering a few German phrases of affection at some of the items within the catalogue at the back of the manuscript. At the desk to his left, the tallest and youngest of the band was busy fiddling with a few spare wires and guitar strings, trying to sort them in their drawer by means of colour, shape, and size. It was not the same as fiddling with his base guitar, but it was at least something to do that boring morning. At the table to their left, beside a small pair of counters and an oven, two others sat, pondering in boredom. One sat spooning a mass of grey slop that the other had attempted to cook for them all. It was only porridge, but he hungered for something more substantial. Beside him, Paul was blinking in wonderment at the picture on the wall, an item that "moved" slightly as you turned to look at it. Christoph turned his head after a puddle of mushy squiggles that looked like vomit dropped off his spoon; he looked at the two remaining members, sleeping like babies. One was close to the mirror, his favoured position, fast asleep and cuddling his teddy bear clone. Christoph could not guess what Richard was dreaming about; perhaps it was just himself again. Then he turned to the massive man beside Richard, who was snoring and twitching his nose in his sleep, slapping his jaws occasionally as he thought of something. But within seconds the giant man had sprung forward and was shaking his head and blinking his bleary eyes in confusion.

"That's it, no more local alcohol for you Till." Till muttered to himself and he turned to look at the empty bottle on the small ledge beside his head, confusion smothering his face. He had just awoken from a dream, where he was dressed in a black suit that made him look like an ATM machine, and some guy in a black robe, somewhat resembling the current Pope, had told him to get up. He could not really understand this, but reckoned it was probably linked with the film Flake had managed to gain from a loyal fan amongst the villagers, that did not believe the rumours. But Till was not really sure if he was a fan of the more recent Star Wars™ films. But gently he drifted back to sleep, gripping his large beaten-up cuddly-toy bunny rabbit, named Mr Smooches tightly, to his chest. There was peace once more amongst the Rammstein Firehouse.

That was until a large orb above the doorway began to flash red and swirl in circles around the frame of the door. This was accompanied by a loud whooping sound that was hard to identify from Till's snores. Suddenly the firehouse was not alive with the movement of the men inside. Instead there were some confused glances and even one or two random items cast at the light to shut it off. It aroused Till at least, after he muttered quite suddenly within his disturbed sleep,

"I don't want to go back in the basket, the dog keeps farting!" A gentle thwack on the nose from a ricocheting pen Ollie had thrown knocked him awake and with a thud he hit his head on a nearby shelf, only to slip back onto the bed with a groan. Finally Flake realised what the purpose of the alarm was for and he quickly gathered up the mess of pens and spanners and other random bits below the alarm, beside the exit pole. Christoph had frozen in place, spooning the slop and his mind was suddenly racing with excitement, though his face seemed filled with scorn. Finally he had a chance to fulfil one of his childhood job dreams. However the excitement had frozen him into place as Till gave Richard a prod in the chest and followed Ollie and Flake toward their uniforms. Paul was still blinking nervously at the strange light, but then he spotted what the others were doing and turned to look at the frozen Christoph with a grin on his cheeky face.

"To the Rammstein Mobil!" With that said Christoph was up in a flash and they were all scrabbling into their uniforms. As Ollie approached the pole he realised that he had no need to swing down it, being taller then the rest and skinny he could just hop off the side. Before doing so however, he quickly called over to his companions.

"Geck, dieser ist so ehrfürchtig!" Then with a smile he disappeared down the hole and was racing into the giant bright red fire-truck. The others paused and gave a few complaints that he was showing off and that any one of them could do such a thing. Therefore Flake attempted to out-do the long-limbed surfer and hopped down the hole too. However, he landed with a thud after letting out a long shriek of surprise, it seemed the drop was longer then they had all assumed.

At this Till snorted with indignation, but he turned his head to check what Richard was up to. The guitarist had only just gotten off his bed, removed the facemask, styled his hair with a small amount of gel, and was removing his mudpack. Till roared a few insults at him for being a slow little girl and Richard simply retorted about having a cold as he thumbed into his coat. Then Till leapt down after Flake, gave a groan as his knees collided with Flake as the man stood up, and he crushed him into a Flake-shaped hole in the concrete floor. Ollie honked the horn impatiently as the giant and the midget tried feebly to get up when they were still quite exhausted through boredom.

Christoph meanwhile had dawned the uniform and went slipping down the greasy old pole, which creaked in a very disconcerting manner. Unfortunately there was a very large foot-rest in the shape of Till on the bottom and Christoph stood on him. With a grunt Till squashed Flake again, and this time the neat drummer lost balance and smashed his back into the lumbar region of Till's spine, causing a low squealing shriek from the invisible Flake. This just proved to be a form of entertainment for Paul and he leapt down upon them, making each of them grown as he strolled calmly toward the truck with a giggle. Richard followed, but unfortunately Till and Christoph had managed to get themselves up, though Flake was crushed once more.

Finally the truck was on the road and helter-skeltering through town with Richard at the wheel. This was quite upsetting for Christoph, but Richard had an un-canny manner of convincing him it was for the interests of the band. Though Christoph did consider himself a better driver then the psycho they currently had at the wheel. Instead he sat with Paul between him and the driver, fiddling with the radio. They passed a few attractive young girls and there was an earth-shattering honk as Richard pressed down on the horn a few times. The girls did not look pleased, but there was now a grin on Richard's face. Whilst they drove on Ollie was attempting to read a map, folding it out but finding it was twice his size and then fiddling to fold it back up again. Flake was busy playing with one of his many Yo-Yo's and Till was watching this with the bored fascination that most cat's had.

There was a crackling sound as someone tried to commune with them through the speaker. There was also a bridge coming up, so as Christoph went to grasp the speaker, the fire-truck erupted into the air and covered a fair amount of ground. There were a few screams from on-lookers however that found the whole ordeal terrifying. But finally Christoph could receive the message from some man known as Legolas.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" At this, Christoph blinked a few times in confusion and tried to talk to the man again, but Paul just rolled his eyes in annoyance. He grasped the speaker from the drummer's hands and screamed at the man on the other end to push off. However, they had already arrived at their destination and were staring at a small house owned by a little old woman, who was weeping because her cats were stuck up in the large beech tree. This made the band member's groan in annoyance. They'd all been so ready for a fire.

It took them a while to consider what options they could take, as Ollie was not tall enough to reach the frightened felines for once. So they took out a ladder that was taller then the bassist and set it against the tree. Then they began an argument about who would grab the potentially dangerous animals. Richard began to complain that he was allergic to the beasts and would come up in red blotches. This sparked off an argument as Till began to complain it was only about his skin and beauty! Paul however had no fear of the cats; he had not experienced being attacked by one yet and swiftly padded up the ladder and grabbed the first animal to come into his reach.

It was Paul's scream that broke up the argument and the band looked up to see the waggling arms of the little man as a ginger tabby stuck its claws into and around his face. The screaming was becoming more and more muffled as Paul began to ingest cat fur, but the cat was screaming with him. Christoph gave a grown of annoyance and leapt into the lady's kitchen as Paul managed to fall off the ladder and race around the garden screaming for assistance. Swiftly Christoph returned from the kitchen with a frying pan in his clutches and he began to race around after Paul. He was begging him to stay still so he could knock the cat off with the frying pan, but there were some things in life that Paul was not willing to do.

Flake watched the cats up in the tree and smiled sweetly at them, he removed a thin tube from his side pocket and stuck it in his mouth. With a few twiddling motions of his thin little pianist fingers he began to play a string of whiny but yet sweet music. This was some random piece he'd made up to suit this flute, and it was all in an attempt to charm the cats from the tree. However, from a large wooden attachment beside the house stepped a very large and drool-smothered mastiff dog. It let out a loud bark that made every ban member, except Paul and Christoph, jump in fright. But it had set its sights on Flake and with some sudden movements of his weedy legs; the little man was running off in a circle. The dog immediately began to chase him with a low rumble of delight. This must have been a dream come true for the dog, a stick that could run by itself.

As Paul continued to galloped around the garden, screaming at Christoph sung at him a few times to remove the cat, a frightened looking old lady with short, curled, silvery-grey hair emerged in the doorway. She looked at them nervously with a tray of cups of yellow liquid within her ragged old hands. Deftly she placed them on a nearby bench and proclaimed them as lemonade for their services, but then her eyes caught Richard's dazzling complexion as he stood with a mirror in his hand. His frame was silhouetted in the midday sun and she was compelled to go other to him and compliment his good looks. This triggered off an entire lecture from Richard. In the meantime the dog still chased Flake around, but this time it had a skateboard tied to the end of its docked tail. With a couple of whoops as he skidded around the tree and his comrades, Ollie skated after Flake and yelled out a few comments about some man named Tony Hawks, Flake was probably the only one out of the group that knew what Ollie might be on about, but even he was trying to climb the tree now.

Till watched as the cat was finally ripped off Paul's face, but his eyes were concerned with the two remaining felines. He liked cats, and kittens, and puppies, and bunnies, and goldfish, so he did not like to see such animals in peril. Although he guessed the cats would probably wander out of the tree on their own accord, there was no danger in taking over the situation. So he quickly removed the napkin and fold-up knife and fork he always kept in his pockets. After putting on the napkin, staring at the cats with the cutlery raised at them, he licked his chops and proceeded toward the tree. The cats did not appreciate this, and with a few shrieks they leapt out and landed on Richard. Richard began running around in circles, whilst both Till and Christoph watched in embarrassment as he yelled about his "beautiful face". Paul turned his eyes to one side, staring up at the nearby mountains and the blue skies above them in deep thought.

"How did it happen like this?" Paul pondered.

(For the benefit of those that don't have the time to translate, "Geck, dieser ist so ehrfürchtig!" this means "Dude, this is so awesome!")


	2. Albino Evil

Chapter Two: Albino Evil 

In a castle within the mountains of Switzerland, or at least in mountains around that area that looked similar, there was a dive within the rocky hills and treacherous peaks. This dive was in fact a very large and forest-strewn valley, which smelt of alpine pine trees and the droppings of forest animals, and it was indeed charming, for a secret location. Within this valley, which is constantly shrouded in mists, was a castle. It was a very typical kind of Gothic-Medieval type with a wide moat surrounding the battlements. There were heavy iron-gates to stop anyone busting through it, there was a fast moving drawbridge, a heavily spiked iron portcullis with thing gaps between the iron, and there were many other such items scattered around the place. All of it was just an odd spectacle amongst such a modern world, but that made no difference to the beings within. For those in side this castle were obsessed with their traditional values and methods, even guns were not used. There were no cars, no helicopters, and no signs of electricity, save what was gained from the lightning rod above the main turret, that and a satellite dish.

One being in the whole of Weisess Castle (with the exception of those watching the TV), was permitted to use some very modern pieces of equipment. For within the stone walls and sheltered by the surrounding earth, the foundations of the castle screamed in horror and buzzed with energy. There was something very evil stirring within the depths of this downstairs laboratory, but n ear the top of the castle was something more horrific, that controlled it all. It sat in a shadowed throne wearing some lengthy clothes, similar to robes, that were both white and black and slipped into the twisting shadows of the room. The room reeked with threats and submission, yet this being was surrounded by and air of dominance, and the seeping mists that writhed in vine-like trails into the building from the moat's murky waters below. The clothes of the being were so long that only the very tips of the toes were visible of the being, but the sound of tapping on wood from gloved fingers were ominous enough. The creature's white clothes were illuminated by the moonlight as the clouds departed from the crescent shape. There was not long left before the next Full Moon, there was only a short amount of time for the creature to prepare. The creature was in a very bad mood because of this.

"They're getting restless now the originals have vanished. But it will soon be time for me to regain the lands I once owned, and abolish this dreadful 'music'!" The creature hissed in a deep male voice and then it growled low within the shadows. The silence it had been enjoying was starting to fill with the noise of the occupants downstairs, and then there was the high screech of a tortured soul that shook the foundations it cradled itself within. This sound pleased the demon of the room, and gleaming teeth, in the form of a cruel grin, were also made visible.

In the world below the high rooms and above the foundations of the White Schloss, there was a low sound of cringing patrons because of the scream. The scream came out again in a long series, as if an animal were being punished for not behaving, but then it ended and some small conventional band began to play delightful but aristocratic themes on pianos and violins. The many visitors of the castle were less then was general for the time of year, but each member was knee-deep in a lot of work. Some were tracking down the originals, some were doing varying jobs outside of Europe, some were still planning the next moves, some were hiding, and others were seeking out the doppelgänger. But each that remained in the castle complex had grown to fear the wrath of the beast above, and yet love its caring and gentle nature, whenever it was given good news.

Among the posh creatures that danced, flirted, or chatted amongst the sound of the band in the main ballroom, were four particular characters that tried to remain away from the excitement . Their talk was important, and hushed so that their fellows could not hear it all. But like all within this treacherous castle, they were as white as falling snow with eyes like burning fire. Like all they were rich, mysterious, part of the group, and assassins. There were few creatures on earth and few humans within the business that were as cunning or as keen to disappear as these Albino Assassins. But for these four creatures, there were many tough decisions to make, like who was to tell the boss the bad news.

"There's no point in hiding this matter or sending one of the underlings to take the message. The Herr will want the truth from us, and it certainly knows where to point the blame. After all, we are the beings at the top. You must tell it the truth, Herr Hans!" The strong, stern, and amazingly well-built Herr Klaus growled through his tight mouth. His neat arms were folded over his chest, and though not too tall a man, in comparison to Herr Hans, he was short.

"Talking to the General is not as easy as you might think, Herr Klaus! I cannot just waltz in there and expect to be forgiven. Besides, I 'm not allowed out in the field currently, so how can I coordinate our efforts to capture the Originals without seeing the situation myself?" Herr Hans purred in a very high-pitched but almost operatic whine. Though he was lithe and yet surprisingly tall, Herr Hans had become quite nervous recently, with chronic bouts of diarrhoea and agoraphobia whenever someone mentioned bad news. Though he spoke as pathetically as he could to get out of telling, his eyes remained on Klaus when his fingers tore up as many napkins sitting on the freshly decorated tables as possible. Already he'd eaten five loathes of bread from the inside out, though he had taken to wearing a diaper beneath his domino coloured robes to prevent the need to bolt in worrying situations.

"That's all very well, but it was your job to track them down, and the Master does expect us to do our work at the least!" This was the deep and sinister growl erupting from the deepest recesses of Herr Heinrich's jaws. He was a tall but heavily built man with a cruel set of twinkling ruby eyes, and he was the head of the torture division. He was a very mean creature and in that way he kept in the favour of the Boss, which was lucky for him, otherwise he might find himself fed to the creature's dogs.

"You make it none the less easier Herr Heinrich!" Hans whined again, this time he cowered as the big fellow's albino fist slammed the table near his hands. As much as he could be an incredibly patient man, Heinrich did hate it when his fellows were fiddling with anything, often why he had to wear blinkers in a meeting so he did not start drilling erasers up the nose of the closest human. Hans shuddered nervously and nipped at his pale, pigment-less lips in worry. But then he turned to Klaus, who was observing the other man, which was wearing all black and settling back down in a comfy chair. This man was the head of the Training facility, and unlike many of his fellows, he'd been quite able to grown a neat little goatee and die every hair a shade of grey so it would stand out. Hans wondered if perhaps this being would have some comforting words to say to him and help him relax. Indeed the man had some words to say.

"Don't threat about too much, Hans. The Creature knows about your bad stomach and will understand that it is not your incompetence, as your incontinence forbids you to do as much as you once could. Other then that, your job was not going to be easy when the beings in your platoons are still undergoing the local meetings at whatever town they happen to be in just to make sure the intelligence is correct. If it weren't for the lack of intelligence on Herr Wilhelm's part, well their we'd all be in a better position." The man, Herr Karl purred neatly. He did not look at his fellows and instead kept his eyes focused upon the two approaching figures. When his colleagues realised this, they also turned their heads and then raised hands in greeting to their two other friends, the heads of Recruitment, mainly to Herr Billy.

"Evening to you, Herr Billy, and Frau Flossy." The quad chirruped calmly. Herr Billy saluted them and so did Frau Flossy. Then the albino lady nipped at a table napkin, stamped the floor with her heels thrice, and then calmly opened her mouth of clean teeth to utter a greeting.

"Baa." She bleated and then trotted over toward the dancing couples, eager to join in. She approached one young male and stood on her hind legs to dance about with him. The young man was not bothered, after all they were all taught to respect their elders. Plus Herr Billy could not be blamed for having trouble identifying his wife from any other female, especially when his eyesight was not very good and his senile dementia was starting to kick in a little.

The four Assassins looked at Billy with keen eyes, he never usually left his desk for any reason, apart from the matters of dealing with his wife when the sunlight shortened or when she was relieved of her Mouth-rot problems, which bothered his colleagues greatly. But if Billy was leaving the desk for unfathomable reasons caused by his mental condition, he might be witnessing the sheep-icide of his wife because he was slacking. But Billy simply removed his pink coated glasses, used to assist his dyslexia trouble but not really suitable considering his eyes were red, and rubbed them against his old scruffy brown robes, which resembled the habits of most monks (only it smelt of sheep). This was always a very, very good sign .

"I've finally got word about our Double-agent, Frau Doppelkopf!" He grinned happily and then grins lit up the faces of his four fellows. Finally there was some great news, they had their agent, all they needed to do was just find the originals and send her in. However, there was the sound of a bleating from Frau Flossy an d the young albino she had been trotting with. The man was whiter then normal and rushing away to clean himself up. Some of the other dancers had paused to stare in horror at the ewe, and her swollen udders. Suddenly everyone was aware that Herr Billy's wife was expecting.

"Are you the father?" Herr Klaus gulped nervously. Could it be possible for a man and a sheep to reproduce? Assassins leaned in to hear the dreaded words that they feared the most. Not only the possibility of a hybrid, but the fact that Herr Billy would be the father.

"Nope." Herr Billy lowered his head in sorrow as he ewe trotted back toward the desk to settle down to chewing her Sheep Coarse. There were some slight sighs of relief from the men and women of the AA, and they shook their heads and began chatting once again. But Billy was not finished, and he turned to his friend dejectedly.

"What's wrong Billy?" Hans voice began to tremor nervously, his teeth starting to rattle, though he now needed to change his diaper as soon as possible.

"I caught Flossy out with one of the black rams in the mountain passes last week on our anniversary wander. I can't believe she'd betrayed me for a darker shade!" Billy wept. Klaus, Heinrich, and Karl rolled their eyes in annoyance, but Hans offered a sympathetic apology. The AA were a very weird bunch of humans...


	3. Concert to Spoil it All

Part Three: The Concert to Spoil it All 

_This chapter is for my brother and his St. Albans high school friends, as they feature in it quite briefly. Please enjoy this, and if I offend anyone at any point in this story, please tell me, but note that I will not change any of the lines because the way the story goes is the way the words flow. Enjoy!_

* * *

Six Months Previously (to the cat incident)...

* * *

The metal festival was coming to a close now and many bands and tribute acts were packing up to get ready to head back home. The three weeks touring together had been fun for some groups, but others were always a little more cautious about who they hung around with. On this last day in a very large open space somewhere in Germany, the bands had finally been joined by an overall favourite of their genre, Rammstein. But there was little time left for them all to greet one another and the sun was beginning to sink. Quite happily though, the six men retired and were stepping down from the main stage with looks of relief and exhaustion upon their faces.

"I think that was a grand performance we put on." Richard beamed, but then he turned to Till and grinned cheekily. "I thought your throat was going to cave in as you sand 'Ohne Dich', but you did good." At this odd comment, Till turned to glare at the guitarist, though he was panting like a hot dog and randomly grabbing liquids to drink. They marched toward their trailer where they would have a rest and then go their separate ways until the next album. At this point Till had noticed he was drinking a bottle of baby formula, with a slight sound of confusion he quickly put it on a nearby chair for someone else to collect. But at least it hadn't tasted bad.

"I don't think 'Mein Teil' had as much of an affect this time." Christoph murmured softly, but he had to be cautious. Till could get very stressed about his performance, and he was also quite surprisingly sensitive. But Flake chipped in to give Christoph some ground to base his statement on. If only because he did not want Christoph to get pummelled into the earth by accident.

"Damn straight." He chirped. "I wish the giant pot hadn't been melted by 'Feuer Frei', just before we did 'Mein Teil'. Ah well, we've had fun and gained some more money." He smiled softly and even Paul, who was looking around at the other bands and plotting a few pranks already, leapt in with his own words. In the meantime Ollie and Richard fiddled about in their pockets for their car keys, both hoping to hurry off as soon as they had all sorted themselves out.

"It was great! The crowd were please and Ollie got to go crowd-surfing again. Didn't you?" He turned his cheeky and smiley face toward the giant, chewing something in his mouth that smelt a little like chocolate.

"Ja." Mumbled the giant bassist whilst he chewed. He was very pleased with this attempt at crowd-surfing in the dingy. There had been no shoe thrown at him and he had instead been thrown two bras, a pair of knickers, and a box of Roses chocolates labelled for all the band mates had been slipped kindly into the boat by a nervous but kind English fan. However, he had not told them that and was quite happily eating all of the chocolates himself. But then Paul smiled his cheeky smile once more and as they plodded on, he uttered cheerfully...

"Nothing could possibly go wrong." To this, all band members smiled and nodded their heads. If there was one thing Paul could ever be right about, surely that was it? There had been no burnt ears, broken bones, belted knees, snapped strings, damaged drums, or charcoaled curtains. It had gone very well for them and they were all very eager to head home after collecting their belongings.

But you should never tempt fate so readily.

Almost as soon as the words were uttered, a very large body of finely dressed but cruelly equipped men appeared. Some of them were in blue and black uniforms, depending on which band they helped or where they stood at the concert. Even so, all men had strength and the cleaner looking ones were almost definitely the kind of policemen that you only ever met if you'd fallen behind on loan re-payments or were in the organised crime business. For surely the band had never seen such men before. They were weary, and a nagging pain at the back of each brain told them all that these men were not, and did not like Germans.

"Guten Tag." Till stammered weakly, his voice was aching from singing still. He moved to walk past, hoping one of his companions would stand with him . Surely enough, Oliver stepped to his side along with Flake and they prepared to go to their trailer. But four hands, one from each of the front-most men, were raised at them and they paused. But what did they have to be afraid of anyway? They had not done anything wrong at all.

At least, all but Paul had. The small man was stammering nervously behind Christoph and twiddling his thumbs with anxiety. The drummer felt compelled to turn around and address the problem. But caution due to their present company made him give a "raised-brow" look of confusion. With more sweat pouring off his forehead, Paul carefully took a rolled item out of his left jacket pocket and bit his lip as he opened his palm. Christoph could see a hint of white powder an d he too panicked. Paul wouldn't have?

"I thought they were free from the coffee places." Paul whined meekly at Christoph. The drummer looked at the packets of sugar from the Cafés and coffee houses that were often left out for people to use at will. He sighed in a wheezing manner, trying both not to faint and not to swear at his band-mate. But they were all interrupted by one of the men, an Englishman of some sort with a slight slap on the end of each word, who spoke to them with a cruel grin on his face.

"We're the EU Special Division Police. An' you, my fine Huns (_please read bottom statement_), are coming with us. You've just been arrested." The smug and seemingly corrupt man grinned proudly. It didn't bother the boys too much, they were used to racist insults, but still they were confused. Quickly Flake yelled out as he leapt and bounced of Till and Ollie's shoulders so that he could be seen.

"But we didn't do 'Bück Dich'!" He bleated.

For a brief moment the men were confused. The one of the security men from the concert had to explain and it was followed by a few harsh profanities. Then a smaller man, who was speaking American English because he did not know German, said curiously.

"Nah, its for Murder is all."

Without even a second to consider, all six men had the same spasmodic reaction to the words. They bolted forward and knocked the men over, though Richard had initially run away from the men. Within seconds they had all squeezed through the doorway and were inside the trailer. They hurriedly locked the door and blocked it up with a few random items, including a frying pan that Oliver had insisted upon. They headed straight toward the back window, it was quite large but the window was not going to present a problem. Outside the window there was a very thin wedge-like gap between two other trailers. This corridor led into many crowds of fans and bands, out there they could find a chance to escape.

Ollie was out with Richard first, and though the giant had no trouble getting through the thin gap, Richard did. Mr Krupse found the squeeze quite tight and cursed both his shoulders, hips, and butt when he became stuck. He could not even think how Till would get through this. But kindly, Ollie pulled one trailer aside just a tiny bit and Richard was free. But already the so-called policemen were trying to break the door open. They were starting to get through as well!

Then Till hurried through, landing heavily outside the window and then running forward. Christoph followed after him, turning his head but belting heavily into the back of the broad man. Poor Till, both his shoulders and hips were wedged tightly in the gap and he could barely move. He began to groan nervously and apologise to his friends. But he was quickly released as both Ollie and Richard grabbed hi front and pulled, whilst Christoph kicked him out of the tight squeeze, much to Till's cries for them to stop pulling his ears and nose off, as well to stop Christoph kicking him in the rump. Meanwhile, both Flake and Paul were panicking within the trailer as they heard the crashing and looked nervously out of the window.

With a crash, the trailer door-lock cracked under the weight of the pushing, and the men tried to fight each other to get in. Flake and Paul gave cries of panic and fear. Then, quite suddenly, the stick-thin keyboardist went back-flipping out of the window with tremendous grace. He was with the others in a flash and Paul scoffed at him from the window edge.

"Anyone can do that!" With a few backward steps, Paul turned to face the men and leapt backward. Then he twisted to the side slightly as the first man entered and Paul hit the point under the window, side-ways on and so head-first. With a thud and then a long groan he slumped to the floor and his head seemed to spin in dizzy circles. The men were still trying to sort themselves out, so Christoph approached the window and quickly leant in and pulled Paul out of the danger. With Paul over Till's shoulders while he bit his hanging tongue and made a few random comments about Flake, the others ran swiftly, but it was not long before the men were after them once more.

* * *

Fear made their motions much more erratic and they had not clarity or thought as to where they ran. They had to just get away. Their tracks led them ever around in circles, sometimes seeing or hearing the police, other times just running behind them and turning away at the last minute. It was a hard way to manage things and it wasn't long before they had found a corner of a trailer to hide behind and catch their breath.

Unfortunately, another metal celebrity, though often put in good and bad light, spotted them and was compelled to approach. It was a woman of pale skin, dark hair, and Finnish background. Her cheekbones were prominent and her face finely chiselled, like her operatic voice.

"Aren't you 'Rammstein'?" She questioned curiously. Her name was Tarja, and unfortunately it was Paul who recognised her and responded. However, his response was not in the least bit polite, and it had caused them all to bolt off again, leaving the woman to stare at them curiously as they went.

"She-male!" He'd screeched.

After an hour of running in both confusion and fear, they had another pause. This time they had found the death-metal band, Karnage, and had been quite appalled to have their songs compared to the Scandinavian cult-men. Their third and final break came when they ran toward the exits and spotted a trio of young men, possibly only around sixteen years old. These men were settling for a meeting amongst the ruins of a broken theatre stage. Immediately the six men hurried to see if there was a safe place amongst them to hide.

Quickly they requested their help and were introduced to a man called Stephen, known mainly for his mini-band "Puppy-Death", a boy called Denby (or the Goalpost), who rivalled Oliver in stature and height, plus a rather sinister long-haired lad called John. The boys quickly assisted the six Germans in hiding. Nearly all of them went through the trap-door under the stage, but Flake had panicked and leapt into the prop chest. There he hung one leg out of the chest and covered himself in a few items so that he looked like a few random pieces of props.

* * *

Once they felt safe, the six emerged and were told the situation by John:

"There were some guys looking like you that robbed a bank in Salzburg and killed a few of the clerks and hostages. Apparently the people though that you guys were being mimicked because of the 'Ich Will' video. But DNA from fingerprints and even saliva says it was you. We don't believe, neither do your better fans, or the metal bands that appreciate your style. But you'd better hide somewhere. There's been some freaky dudes from the AA asking about you. Just get out and tell no-one where you're going or what you're doing. Your quest is about to begin." He stated proudly. Though Rammstein found it a little difficult to understand most of the English used, they got the gist of it and snuck off in a few wigs and clothes they'd found with Flake in the prop chest. But once they'd departed, Denby bent down toward John and questioned him curiously.

"What Quest?"

"I Dunno?" John replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

* * *

Whilst hurrying away, the band managed to get enough loose change from the floor of the festival grounds to head for the bus stop. They hurried there and stepped quite nervously amongst other people, which did not seem to recognise any of them. Flake had put on a ginger wig and removed his sun-glasses, then he had put on an earring with some discomfort and blood, as well as a leather-jacket and a few wrist cuffs to complete the image. He looked like a weakling none the less, but no one really recognised him so it did not really matter. Paul donned a beard and a darker, longer wig, and then he strolled about talking heavily in Russian so he would not be bothered by anyone. Ollie put a wig of very blonde hair on and even his companions could not really recognise him very well. Plus Christoph put on a grey wig, bent forward, put in a set of false teeth that jutted out, and then he hobbled around on a walking stick after the others.

But of all of them, both Till and Richard were dressed in neat little suits with puffed chests to make it look as though they had feminine breasts, a wig each, facial make-up, high-heels, and a short skirt for each of them. They both looked a mix of beauty and clumsiness, but only slightly recognisable. Richard had no problem walking with the wiggle of most proud women in the high shoes as the mob pressed on, but Till held at the back. He shuffled along nervously, clutching a handbag to his chest, which contained Herr Smooches and he also fiddled with his skirt a bit.

Unfortunately for Till, they passed a pub where a drunk man was hurrying out to throw-up. Till shuffled past nervously, but the shorter and weedier man spotted him. He followed after Till and quietly stepped to Till's side and drunkenly asked for a name.

"It's Tilly, now please excuse me but I have a bus to catch." Till said in a thin and quite bad female voice. He shuffled a little faster to catch-up but the guy followed and asked a few more questions. Eventually Till was very angry, and when asked how much "it'd be", he lost it. Swiftly he picked the man up by the shoulders and slammed him into the nearest wall. Then he growled like a mad dog in the man's face.

"I'm really a very angry man and if you keep following me, I'll rip you apart and leave you for the rats and bugs to nibble on!" Don;t push me, buster!" Till growled and the man grinned in his stupor. But as Till released him and turned to get to the others, the man gave Till's left cheek a quick pinch and with a shriek and a ringing punch, the man lay on the floor with a few less teeth. With a sore butt and a look of outrage, Till caught up to the others and boarded the bus. He said nothing of what happened, not even when they were settled and the bus was in motion. Instead he asked Paul about the whole "she-male" occurrence.

"That's Tarja, she used to to be in 'Nightwish'. I said that because on the cover of a 'Metal-hammer Golden Gods' magazine, it showed her with a bulge in her pants. Then she left her band because of her husband, and people have been suspicious ever since then!"

But then Christoph questioned curiously.

"Who are the AA?"

_

* * *

_


	4. A Vital Clue

Part Four: A Vital Clue

After a trip to both the vet and the hospital, the vets' being for a Cat Flu injection for Paul, they sat comfortably in the stuffy room above the fire-engine and giggled at the swollen and red blotches on Richard's pretty face. Paul's face was just as comical with a mix of green and blue plasters covering the scratches, but he was not fussing over it, he was simply trying to stop itching them where they'd come up in lumps. Of course Richard was not in the least bit pleased and wanted to get Christoph out of the room first of all, if only because he couldn't stop pointing and laughing. Till was also laughing, but he kept slapping Flake's back in a delighted manner, and it was causing Flake to wheeze as each gentle hit winded him. Ollie however was remaining nonchalant and simply trying to skim through an encyclopaedia to find out what the "AA" could be, none of them had a clue!

"Christoph!" Richard growled softly, the drummer looked toward him but had to try and swallow his own wrist to stop him laughing at the swollen nose. "Christoph, please go and take the food and water to the real firemen, and make sure you let them go to the toilet, we don't want another incident of smelly rooms when the inspectors come to make sure all is well." Richard growled gently. Since they'd got to this strange village, they'd had no problem in removing the real firemen and hiding them in a cellar beneath the station, which came complete with manacles and chains. The only difficulty with the cellar though was the long drop down the stairs if you didn't turn the light on, and that the lock on the door was very stiff. But for the past two months they'd all kept the men quite happy and managed to prevent moaning by playing old videos of children's' shows on continuous loops, the only drawback of that being that they were now desensitised and would not be able to fight fires for a very long time.

"Will do! Do you have the key on you from yesterday's trip down there Paul?" Christoph grinned after saluting the guitarist and turning to Paul as he tried his hardest to eat some bread without making his cuts hurt. Paul nodded slowly and removed a very rusty and dusty old key from his coat pocket and placed it into Christoph's hands. It was covered in a white powdery substance, the remnants of sugar from those little packets that Paul was obsessed with.

"Thank you." With that he turned around to the rickety wooden stairs and headed down them at a slow but cautious pace. It was a dangerous way to go, hence why the pole was used so often, though they often found that it was easier to get back up the pole if Ollie got in the room first and then helped pull them up, which was not easy with Till.

* * *

Getting down the stairs presented no problem in the end for Christoph, as one of the middle stairs collapsed when he stepped on it and the drummer plunged down to the hard ground with a bump. He sat up for a little while, shaking his head to get the dust out of his eyes and hair, as well as the figure out why he could no longer feel the bottom half of his body, save his legs. Perhaps the concrete floor had broken something, or squashed something when he had landed? But from the top of their stairs their came a query of his health from Paul, who was leaning over the side and grinning at him, his face stinging slightly from the plasters.

"I'm ok!" Christoph squeaked in an incredibly high-pitched voice, now he knew why he could not feel anything.

* * *

After a few moments shaking the dust from his body, Christoph hurried toward the door of the attic. It was a very nervous point for him, but at least the first door did not take long to unlock. He stepped in with a grin upon his face, forgetting about the lack of lighting and long flight of stairs. With a shriek that could not be heard by his fellows, Christoph went bouncing down the first flight of stairs. He paused on the large gap before the second set and gave a gentle sigh, though he was now tied up in knots. Quickly, Christoph untangled himself and stood proudly, ready to take the next flight of stairs with caution. However, when he put his foot down, something squished beneath it, and he went sliding down this flight to land with a thud against the door.

He managed to open the door after a few moments of gaining his breath and realising that the second fall and re-awoken the pain he had not been feeling for a little while. There were a few fiddles with the lock because it was old and rusted. In fact, one attempt had almost made Christoph break his wrist or break the key! But it was finally open now and what awaited him in the room was not a happy sight. Christoph froze at the sight of six skeletal figures that were chained up and looked very upset and hungry. One even had his skeletal leg within his mouth, and their scraps of underwear hung from the now visible hip bones. It was lucky that they were bones now, otherwise any earlier stage of decomposition would have stunk and made Christoph go berserk. It did not really matter anyway, as this sight alone gave him a terrible shock.

"AAAGGGHHHH!"

* * *

Christoph made a hasty scuttle up the pole, with a little help from the fear of the skeletons coming after him. He reached the top and stood nervously shaking and nibbling his nails for a few minutes. The horror of what had happened echoing around his imagination, why hadn't Paul fed them? However, his shaking nervousness had attracted the attention of Richard, who had just finished untangling Till and Ollie from a skipping rope they had attempted to play with.

"They alright down there?" Richard asked as he watched Christoph's erratic motions in curiosity. He was quite surprised too that for once the drummer had not asked to be lifted up to the top and had covered the pole with an amazing speed.

"Perfectly fine! They're just a little skinny is all!" He chuckled nervously, his body shaking somewhat from the terror of what he had just seen. Luckily the others thought of him as such a woozy being that they never bothered whenever he screamed. However, he quickly made his way toward Paul and pulled his by the shoulder to the side so that he could talk to him privately.

"Paul, when was the last time you used that key?" Christoph growled angrily at Paul.

"Umm…." Paul stammered nervously, but Christoph gave him a signal with his hands to encourage the excitable guitarist to keep the noise down. But Paul was slow to speak, and Christoph had begun to threat about like a deranged animal on the bars of its cage. "I can't really remember."

"Please say that they aren't the real firemen down there?" Christoph pleaded, his voice kept low so that the others would not know and they would not get into trouble. But Paul's face seemed to tangle in confusion, he was trying to think back to figure out what could possibly be different.

"Why? What's wrong with them?" Paul questioned, he did not understand much about the life-cycles of most humans, after all he looked out for himself and himself alone. Though there was the exception that he also looked out for Gertrude, his favourite guitar, which was hidden in a bush somewhere. Christoph smiled evilly, but in that slightly innocent manner that did not alert Paul in anyway. They both went down the pole and toward the room. Then Christoph introduced Paul to the skeletal forms of the firemen.

"AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

* * *

"Something wrong Paul?" Till questioned after hearing a large series of screeches and metal hammering sounds. He did not know where the circling sounds of running had come from either, but he could tell a scream from Paul anywhere. There was a shuffling near the entrance to the room and they spotted Christoph and Paul emerging. Both Ollie and Richard turned to watch, though Flake was still busy trying to track down the "AA".

"It's his fingers." Christoph grinned as he led Paul back up the pole. He took Paul over to the others, and pointed out the strange crooked and bent shape of the guitarist's left fingers. They were bent this way and that, and Paul looked very unhappy. However, his fingers were not the only thing that were out of shape, as Paul's face was a lot rounder, flatter, and somewhat frying-pan shaped.

"His face is a little bad too. You see he spotted a wasp downstairs and it well, he tried to fend it away from me. He's my hero you know, totally prepared to smash up his face and fingers to beat a very nasty wasp away from his best buddy!" Christoph grinned evilly and smugly whilst looping an arm around the somewhat stunned and to the side face of Paul.

"WASP!" Richard and Till barked as they ran around in circles with panic across their faces. Neither of them liked wasps, especially seeing as how they always attacked the band in the summer if they were working together. However, Oliver was not over-taken by this idea, and quickly tried to comment.

"But how did he…." But Flake burst Ollie's trail of thought with a quick yell of happiness.

"Eureka!" Flake barked, completely interrupting Ollie as the bassist tried to figure out what could have happened to both the fingers of the guitarist and his face. Of course, though his fingers now look distorted and sickly, they were quickly clicked back into place by Richard and then he turned to look at Flake. However, Paul's face still remained quite large.

"What now Flake?" Richard groaned whilst Till and Ollie still puzzled over the shape of Paul's face. All of them of course failed to notice the frying pan that was sitting quietly between Christoph's hands. But as Flake removed himself from the computer, a scrap of ragged paper in his hands, their interest was aroused at the skinny little shrimp.

"I found them!" Flake blurted and he ran about in circles for a few moments, jumping about a bit before sticking a piece of paper in Richard's face. He continued to dance about a little bit longer before pausing and then explaining his excitement, which in return made his companions even more excited. "There are four possibilities for us to find them! At a meeting of some sort, a strange holiday camp, a car repair place, or the Zoo!"

"Ok then! Where shall we go first then, Rammstein?" Till questioned with excitement brimming from his eyes. He seemed to be jumping about in happiness, and it was making dust and mortar crumble down from the ceiling and float to the floor. The others watched him for a few moments, but even they could not contain their own excitement at the possibility of where they might find the AA. Ollie was doing back-flips of delight, which was kicking the ceiling a bit more, as well as making the floor creak in a threatening manner. Both Richard and Christoph were dancing around each other in circles and stomping the ground quite heavily. Whilst Paul just hunted around for his packet of sugar, at the same point as trying to keep his head a reasonable distance from the others, in case they had any ideas. But finally they all stood together and raised a fist in the air to yell…

"The Zoo!" They all chorused one another and then prepared for the trip to the zoo. Little did they know that there was a sneaky grin on Flake's face. But they did not notice it, as within a few minutes of getting ready, the floor of their room finally collapsed and they landed in a big dusty heap with a few groans….

_

* * *

__**Part Five: From Aardvark to Zebra, where are the AA**_

_Including… __A trip to the zoo, __We discover Christoph's greatest Fear, __Plus Ollie finds himself and admirer, as does Till, __A meeting with the AA, __And a curiously shaped banana that Paul call's Kenny… _


	5. From Aardvark  Zebra, where are the AA?

Part Five: From Aardvark to Zebra, Where are the AA?

_It's very long, trust me, it's REALLY long, but enjoy it! _

* * *

"Well now," Till grinned maliciously as he looked down upon the revealed skeletons. With the collapsed of the main ceiling, the whole firehouse had crumbled down and knocked the skeletons out of their chains. The other band members were looking at them, somewhat horrifically, except Richard, he'd given a girlish scream and then fainted.

"Boy, those maggots got down to work pretty quick, didn't they?" Till chuckled as they stepped over to inspect the bodies. However, the idea of wriggly creatures made Christoph faint rather suddenly into the rubble. A cloud of dust welled up from where he'd fallen, and Paul was grinning. They all knew that Christoph hated maggots, worms, grubs, and sometimes even snakes, but they had never seen him faint like that before.

Ollie looked down sorrowfully at the remnants of their little home, lowering his head in respect as well that Paul had killed six fire fighters because he hadn't fed them. The others were more concerned with how Christoph was, his face was somewhat contorted and also he was mumbling about wriggling things. Swiftly Till turned to Paul and gave him a push on the shoulder. The push was supposed to be gentle, but Till was a big man and he knocked Paul flying into the rubble. But instead of being knocked out, Paul gave an "OOO" sound of excitement about finding something.

"It's not too bad, at least we've still got our leads on the AA!" Flake grinned happily and he waved not the paper but a scrap of used lavatory paper around in the air. At the sight of this the others swore and groaned in disgust. Flake paused and turned to it, before dropping it and squealing in repulsion, whilst looking for the rest of the leads.

Christoph had finally managed to stand up, though somewhat weakly. He held his head and was looking at the world of rubble around him. If no one mentioned bugs or wiggly items again then he would be fine. It was Christoph's only weakness!

"Want some spaghetti?" Paul suddenly leapt up at his friend.

With another clonk and dust cloud, as well as a few mumbles as he went down, Christoph fainted once more. But this only resulted in Paul watching him and looking very puzzled, what was wrong? He looked at the bowl and then turned to the others whilst Till removed rubble in search of the piece of paper.

"Where'd you get the spaghetti from?" Richard asked curiously, one eyebrow raised though he was covered in dust. Ollie shuffled over and picked Christoph up, but he too wanted to know where the food had been gained.

"Oh, it's all the dry stuff, I just wanted to know if he wanted something so I could cook!" Paul grinned happily, and Christoph opened his eyes and mumbled again. Paul quickly cast aside the bowl of dried items and grinned at his friend. Then Richard leant over to Christoph as Ollie set him down and smiled kindly.

"Don't worry about the horrible things, Christoph. There are no maggots, worms, grubs, slugs, leeches, or eels around here! Just lots of disgusting Germ…" But he did not get a chance to finish as Christoph went CLONK!

* * *

Getting into the zoo had not been too difficult, and once inside the band her separated into three groups so that they could cover more ground. The groups had been pairs and they each covered different ground in the hopes of finding the AA. All of them had flare guns to signal the others if they found the AA and would be meeting by one of the picnic areas as soon as they'd covered the zoo. Swiftly though, they had all snuck into the gift shop and gained items without anyone noticing while they galloped out to the zoo. The groups included Ollie and Flake, who headed out to the Africa area and the petting corner, Richard and Till, who would be checking the big cats and monkeys, and then Paul and Christoph.

Christoph and Paul had made their way to the reptile house, though Christoph was still feeling a little sick. They would be moving on to the wolves and creatures of the heights after this and Paul was a little worried as they had entered the humid room. Even though Christoph was not a fan of the wriggling snakes, and one Rattlesnake had tried to smash the glass with its fangs because Paul had been making faces, the drummer had not managed to faint. So now they made their way to a large pool of mixed fish and various larger reptiles. They were crossing over a reasonably sized bridge where there was apparently a bull Black American Alligator, called Smithy.

"That doesn't even look real!" Paul scoffed at the sight of a large dozing alligator model. Unlike Christoph, Paul liked the creepy creatures and more importantly he thought that the crocodiles and such were really cool. But the sight of a fake alligator on the lake side just angered him. Swiftly Paul hopped inside, ready to teach the model a lesson.

There was as slight rise amongst the water on the other side of the bridge. A pale of scaly eyes and head were visible for a few minutes, and it did not like what it saw. The visitors did not like it either and some began to lecture Christoph about handling his "child" as well as the health and safety warning signs. But Christoph was both confused and frozen with terror. In the meantime, the ecstatic Paul began to jump and punch and wrestle the model of the alligator. It seemed to be taking quite a pounding, but in a relaxed and bored manner more then that of the visitors watching.

"Um... Paul!" Christoph muttered nervously. His eyes had caught the movements of the water on the opposite side. He could hear Paul's wrestling noises but he could also see bubbles swirling in the water. Something within it was moving, and Christoph could see a feeding time plaque on the nearby wall. This creature had not been fed today, and Paul was probably now going to be part of the menu for beating up it's only companion.

"What?" Paul called over as he continued to wrestle. Now he had started thumping his hands into the body of the plastic beast, he was even biting it. At points Paul was even making it sound like and indeed look like the Alligator model was trying to escape him and he still had not noticed the bubbles. They were under the bridge now, and there was a slight hint of a tail as the water monster snuck toward Paul. Christoph knew he had only a little while to stop Paul from getting killed, but would his friend still listen?

"I don't think you're safe there! That guy doesn't seem to like the way you're beating up his plastic girlfriend!" Christoph gulped, and Paul turned his head to the left, still holding the model in a tight head-lock. As he turned, there came a low hissing sound and a large black muzzle emerged from the water. It opened a very strong set of jaws and showed some nasty teeth. Paul released the model, and then reacted in the correct way for anyone in such a situation.

"AAAGGGHH!"

* * *

Oliver and Flake had gone through the aviary already, but they had found little in there of interest. As much as Flake was interested in some elements of bird-watching, the fact that it was peculiar and meant people left him alone as soon as he pointed a bird out, there had been nothing new. There had not even been a fairly entertaining parrot show, just a smoking Cockatoo and a very vicious Blue and Gold Macaw that had threatened to "deck his halls". There had also been another Scarlet Macaw that had sworn to any tune of music, but they had left because the vultures had been eyeing Flake very suspiciously. Now they had made their way to an outdoor paddock and were enjoying watching the camels and alpacas and….

Flake froze suddenly with fear as, "Lorraine the Lonely Llama", turned her face and stared at them both. To Flake it was more terrifying then being in with a cobra, Llama's were unhygienic and if they did not like you, or felt stared at inappropriately, then they spat! As much as Flake was nervous, Oliver did not spot this and he put a coin in a feed machine and stepped through the gate and in with the animals, or rather he stepped over the gate quite gracefully. The goats ran at him, but Ollie was compelled to call the Llama over, he was curious as to why it was called "lonely".

"She'll spit!" Flake warned nervously. But Lorraine did not seem interested in spitting, or the food for that matter. Instead she trotted over and strained her neck out toward the giant man. He eyelashes blinked sweetly and she raised the top part of her lips, revealing her yellow and green teeth! This only made Flake protest, but then the llama moved her head toward him and glowered before turning it back to Ollie.

"Why is she looking at me like that?" Ollie questioned nervously as her face came right up to his nose. Now he was afraid that she would spit on him, but Flake worried that it was much more then that. In fact, within seconds of questioning, the llama raised her lips away from her teeth and then projected them forward. Before Ollie could get his head out of the way he was fully snogged by the llama.

"Oh! Gott in Himmel!" Flake mumbled in disgust after wiping his hand across his forehead in embarrassment.

* * *

After a look for Richard's favourite animal, a tiger, Till and Richard had found themselves staring in at a very randy pair of meerkats. They could not help it, as men they were drawn to witness such curious event involving others males, especially of others species. They were especially drawn to the pair, if only because they liked the whole Tolkein book stuff, and were surprised that the zoo had so carelessly named a very randy Meerkat, Bilbo.

"They're very quick aren't they?" Richard muttered nervously. He was compelled to watch, though parents with children behind them were shielding the eyes of the youngsters and leading them away. Others were telling the keeper, and some of the old nannies were fainting when they spotted the cheeky little animals.

"Maybe, but they keep going at it. It's quite astounding that he hasn't had a heart-attack yet. Or that she hasn't got bored and bitten him!" Till smirked, his eyes spotted the large board of information and he was compelled to read it. In the meantime Richard patted at the glass and made faces to see if it would distract the mini mammalian Romeo. But it just seemed to scare some of the younger animals that were watching as well.

"Who knows, they're weird little mongoose things! They don't live very long anyway!" Till snorted gently. He wanted to move on now, but the little animals seemed to be hypnotically drawing his eyes. But his statement made Richard scoff with confusion.

"Mongoose?" He growled in confusion. He had no idea what Till was talking about, these things looked more like long-nosed, big-eyed, and skinny weasel things. "I thought they were weasels?"

"Nope, they are in fact a sort of desert variety of banded mongooses." Till grinned, and he puffed out his chest in pride. He had absorbed the information and responded to the question quite well. His face was smug and he looked, or at least tried to look less like a gorilla-skull night club bouncer.

"Who'd you know that?" Richard questioned, lifting his head from the Fibreglass and looking at Till in confusion. In all his knowledge of the man, Till was not too heavily into reading about animals, after all that was Flake's post. He had no idea how the great basket-weaver could know such a thing. But then he noticed the cheeky grin on Till's face.

"I read the plaque above their cage." The big man grinned and he began to walk away.

"Any who, you go Bilbo the Meerkat!" Richard saluted the little creature as it continued its business and he followed Till out to search for tigers, and the AA of course. But as they left, Till had to add one very cheeky comment...

"Bilbo? Should have called him D..." But before he could finish an old lady went past and smacked him around the jaw with her handbag. Till stood there, stunned for a few moments, and then they watched as the lady muttered on her way past them. They noticed too that she seemed to be both muscular, tall, had pallid white skin, burning red eyes, and amazingly she'd grown a very thick biker-beard.

* * *

After another round of searching through the Aquarium area, and being chased out of the Sea Lion Show because Lorraine had wanted to come along and Ollie had been surfing the beasts, Flake led the bassist sneakily toward the kid's train.

"See this." The man said, pointing to the height restriction label to Ollie and then pointing to the 'no unattended children' sign. "It means he can't go on his own, and you're a little too tall to get on this thing." The conductor glared at them with irritation, but as Flake hopped on-board, Ollie bent down and walked on a slant. As he did so, he had to quickly pitch in,

"I'm his guardian, and I'm on stilts for charity!"

The train ride was quite slow but reasonably comfortable and Ollie was enjoying having a look at the different animals. Flake was enjoying himself too and they peered out across fields of big herding animals and some lions too. They passed baboons, elephants, warthogs, hyena, hippo, rhino, kudu, and a few other animals. They neared the back of the reptile house and were soon passing by the wolf-pit where there was a large commotion going on.

"There's a funny sight." Oliver hummed as he leant out a little to try and picture what was going on. He could not see too much, but he could hear a lot of noise and even the neighbouring bears were interested in what was going on. Plus, the sudden eruption of keepers along the sides of the cage was another sign that something was up.

"What?" Flake questioned. He had been peering out on his side at the tigers that were busy spraying two figures that looked to be a very pale white colour, wearing white robes and carrying a few crossbows. They did not look pleased and he was amused, but he also wanted to see what was going on.

"Those wolves are attacking something that looks a lot like Christoph. And I'm sure that the guy hanging from the barbed wire by his pants and being prodded with a broom by the keepers is Paul. Either that or its another set of look-a-likes." Ollie snorted softly and Flake leaned over to have a look. As they got nearer they could hear a lot of screaming but mainly see wolf tails, a cloud of dust, and the occasional foot or arm of the person they were busy attacking.

"Oh." He stated gently, but Flake was now more interested in the Ape House that they would soon be approaching. When the train ride had stopped of course, they would be getting off and going for ice cream! But as they turned away and the immense German swears and squeals were blotted out by a tunnel, the bassist turned to the keyboardist and questioned him with confusion.

"Can I ask you something Flake?" Ollie muttered gently.

"Yes..." Flake turned his head to look at Ollie with curiously glowing sunglasses within the tunnel. They were out the other side in a flash and there were loud noises up ahead as well.

"Are there really supposed to be members of the AA here? Or did you just want to go to the zoo?" Ollie grinned, and Flake bowed his head low and then gave a wink and a tap of his nose. Oliver had sussed it out, but he had been enjoying himself so far and with the exception of the Llama that was trotting up the train-line after them, it had been fun. But they were interrupted by a pair of men behind them that quickly asked.

"AA, huh?" The man blurted.

"Yes, do you know them?" Flake turned around to face him swiftly as they went through another tunnel. The man looked a little astonished, not many men were so eagerly looking the AA he knew of.

"Yeah, I go to a meeting house every Friday because of the missus. They have meeting every Wednesday at eight and every Friday at six. They're zoo trip was last week, you must have not got the message. I'll give you the directions if you like." The man said quite nervously. They were getting closer to a stopping point, but then they all paused and even the driver up ahead let out a puzzling statement...

"The gorillas seem to be very loud."

* * *

In the gorilla house there was a lot going on. Till and Richard had been a little too eager to look at what was going on, and it had been feeding time. Whilst at that point, Till had spotted a rather surprisingly shaped banana and been eager to get it before the giant black monkey things squashed it. Unfortunately this had put him in a very uncomfortable position when the female gorillas had been eager to greet and groom him, and the silver back had come out.

"Just give him the banana and he won't kill you!" Richard pleaded to Till. He was holding onto the legs of the big man and pulling back with a few members of the public and the zoo keepers trying to help out. The female gorillas were still milling around as Till held onto the bars with one hand and was punching the head of the big male with the other, whilst still holding the banana.

"It's... Gone... A bit... Far... To... Do that... Now!" Till groaned and gasped as the big gorilla held him at the neck and was both choking and trying to drag him inside. Till was not in a very good position right then, but then he had a stroke of luck. The urine-soaked dudes in white had fired a crossbow at the gorilla, skimmed the top of Till's head and made the big silver back let him go. Luck was finally on Rammstein's side, for once.

* * *

After getting Christoph out of the situation with the wolves, which had been his fault entirely, Paul was leading a limping drummer out of the first aid tent. Christoph's body was littered in as many plasters as Paul's had been after the cat attack. But most importantly of all, Paul had gained his revenge on the whole incident of the cat and the frying pan, as well as the frying pan to the face and fingers. However, he had been bruised a little from trying to jump in and save Christoph, and catching his pants on the barbed wire as well as being prodded by the zoo keeper with the broom.

"I thought you and dogs get along? How come they all attacked you?" Paul questioned his companion. He had not meant to actually watch Christoph take up their little dare, but it had happened. Indeed, he should have read the warning signs a little better. In fact, Paul had even thought he might have been better in with Billy the aggressive Grizzly bear that hated humans because he'd been shot at.

"I wouldn't stop cuddling the Alpha female, Wendy." Christoph whined as they limped to the picnic area. They would get a drink and then wait for their companions before ordering ice cream. "She was in heat and they thought I was a rival to the alpha male!"

"Why is it that everyone's jealous when we're about?" Paul sighed deeply and shook his head. Wherever they went, men and lesbians of the world felt jealous that they would take their women, and it seemed even animals felt the same way.

"Why don't we go sit down and eat? Then we'll get a drink to and send up a flare, unless the others are already on their way." Christoph smiled softly, though blood began to pour from a wound on his chin and mess up his nice white shirt, which now had a lot of holes and rips in it.

* * *

After about half an hour of waiting, and enjoying their picnic, Paul and Christoph noticed the arrival of the other band members. They noticed a llama following Ollie at a distance, but as the bassist sat between them both, the beast quickly backed away to a corner. Then a keeper appeared and it went cantering off to get away. Flake went to buy the ice creams, the various flavours were exciting but the guys liked some routine to their sweet diets. He ordered the usual and failed to notice the oddity about the albino man serving the ice creams, nor the large poison producing machine that was currently undergoing maintenance performed by another albino guy. Till and Richard came limping along, Richard now smelt of tiger wee because he'd tried to get a better look at the male Bengal that had been pacing, and Till had a black eye and a black neck, but he looked proud of himself. Once together, they all settled down to have their ice creams on a picnic bench, whilst the albinos beat up the machines and another ice cream buyer suddenly died behind them of poisoning.

"Till..." Paul m uttered after a few minutes licking away. He'd had a little accident and as he was standing beside the cuddly giant, he couldn't help be start to sniffle. His eyes were wide and he looked like an upset child.

"Yes Paul?" Till questioned and he turned his head toward the shorter dude that was the funniest of them all.

"I dropped my ice cream on the floor!" Paul began to cry and the others paused, looking at him with wobbling bottom lips. But Till knew how to handle it and passed his ice cream to Christoph to hold.

"Awe, it's ok little guy!" Till quickly lifted Paul, who had started crying quite badly, over his shoulders and began to rock him like a child. Some of the mothers walking past made a few sweet sounds as Till patted Paul's back and tried his best to calm him down. A couple of other visitors looked at him with slight surprise. But it was as he patted him that there was a funny wheezing sound near Till's face, and his eyes widened in terror when Paul burped. Quickly he popped his friend back down on his seat and gave him the banana to keep him quiet as he looked for the large bags they'd been carrying. In the meantime an albino lady went past, sniffed the air and quickly fainted. The others had noticed the slight pong too, but they could see the llama strolling back around again.

"Cool!" Paul grinned and he quickly took the oddly shaped banana and grinned at it. The fruit was not in a rude shape at all, it was just amazingly accurate in its mimicry growth, and Paul adored it already. In fact, he was about to name it after the cartoon character it rather resembled. He even made it get punched so it bruised and made it talk in a muffled manner. "I'm definitely calling you Kenny!"

With smiles of their faces, the band members quickly gave Paul's ice cream cone a blob of ice cream each. Paul grinned happily and they all ate their ice cream quite happily, with Paul occasionally giving some of to the banana. However, he quickly passed the banana for Richard to hold and it had been eaten. Then the two guitarists had got into a large fight, yelled on by Christoph and Ollie as Till dug around his bag for a diaper changing kit for Paul.

"Oh yeah, we found that it might be better to go to that meeting place you spoke of." Flake grinned happily and unfolded the page of directions.

* * *

The meeting hall was not really a hall; it was the lower half of a business centre that had been sectioned off with different meetings for different problems in various rooms. They had walked into the wrong ones, gone up the stairs a few times, broken the elevator, and Till had used the stair barrier for a climbing frame and belted his bad knee. Now they were all hurrying toward the right room.

"Sorry we're late, we just got the wrong room at first." The band members muttered as they all burst through the door. Till pushed in at the back and they landed in a messy heap. The occupants of the room paused and looked at them nervously. But the bug-eyed expressions on the faces of the members of Rammstein were just as nerve-wracking. Amongst the band of carefully sat and nervous looking gentlemen were two very peculiar customers. One was large and bald and greasy looking with a dark chin of stubble and a big fluorescent yellow jacket with an armband on his left elbow. The armband held the letters AA. Then there was a strange completely white individual that had a runny nose and dazzling ruby-red eyes. He looked a little under the weather, to say the very least, and though he was the strangest of all, Rammstein took strange in their stride and quickly stood up to dust the floor off of themselves.

"No problem, new here are you?" A tall man in a white suit and wearing flip-flops grinned hugely and he stood up. His arms were stretched out in greeting and the band froze nervously. But they were beckoned into the seats and left to settle down quite happily. At this point though, the band kept close and decided to spy on the weirdest men out of the group. One of these was the man in fluorescent yellow clothing with an AA sticker on his forearm and one of the possibly doped-up members. But it was then that the big man stood up again and announced something very scary.

"Now, brothers, let's get round to the main subject of tonight's meeting, shall we?" There was a series of nods and Rammstein looked about, their faces brimming with anticipation at what they might find out. "Once again it's time to confess to your fellows just how much you've done wrong. Remember also, that you can share your delight with us about how you've been giving up beer and other alcoholic beverages. We in the Alcoholics Anonymous are here to support you." With that said, the bright faced man sat down and looked calmly around him. However, he was quite surprised by the actions that the newest members of the group took.

"WAS! KEIN BIER?" With that yelled out, the band disappeared within a flash. They had a funny feeling that the group they'd seen where not framing them. But with that point failed they sat outside big building kicking their feet at the road. They felt both foolish, and in a lot of pain. Christoph quickly stood up, announcing he needed to change his bandages. But on his way to the toilet, he was quite surprised by what he met, not to mention the llama that was sticking its head through the garbage.

**

* * *

**

_Who has Christoph met? _

_Where could the AA be? _

_Who are the strange Albinos that keep appearing? _

_Will Ollie escape the llama? _

_Plus, Till discovers a sudden passion for building model tanks, __Richard gets beaten up, __Ollie gets hit by a mysteriously flying walrus, __Flake believes in ghosts, __Christoph has a girlfriend, a__nd Paul convinces Christoph in the ways of the paranormal! _


	6. Doppelkopf

Part Six: Doppelkopf 

A few miserable days and then a horrible week went by, the boys had managed to gain a new home, and this time they did not choose to lock up the people they were pretending to be. No, they had learnt well enough from the firemen that it was much better to make the local travel agents think they'd won a free holiday. Considering it had been their line of work, the travel agents had disappeared to the supposed plane quite quickly; they'd really just been given tickets to join a campaign against malaria carrying mosquitoes. Some things they just couldn't help but get wrong. The area had been ideal though, with links to finding practically anyone in the world, but still they could not find out who the AA were?

It had not all been bad however; Christoph had been wandering out a lot with his new girlfriend, a slightly older lady with a very unfortunate aggressive look to her face. In fact, she was very similar to the woman they'd used in the "Du Hast" video, if only a little taller and broader. The week had given the other five members time to prepare for the worst and yet also try to relax. They found that the coming summer was going to make it harder in the new building, but that did not really matter as Flake had made sure each of them understood the computers well. While he'd been teaching them, and reading a lot of scary ghost stories, as he usually did, Ollie had been much busier.

* * *

The bassist had not been able to get rid of his Llama clinger on, not even when he'd been planting a very large amount of beans in the back garden. But instead they'd found a great use for the large white sheep-thing. They'd trained her quite quickly at a local dog obedience school amongst Doberman, Boxers, German shepherd dogs, and Rottweilers, training her to become a guard thing. At first they had been unsure about the ordeal, but Till had got her in disguised with a mop over her head as a Kommondor cross Great Dane, explaining the length and height. There had been some words at first when Paul had been signing the forms for the training, but the sight of Mr. Lindemann had terrified the people too much to say no. So now Lorraine was a very odd looking cross breed that did a very good imitation of a bark and even chased the cats about. She adored Oliver still, but he luckily had been going out to the shops a bit more then any of the others.

Till had also found something to do, making model tanks with remote controls and other such things. Currently he had about nineteen Tiger Tanks, eight King Tigers, fourteen Panzer tanks, and a Jaguar or two, plus he even had a very large remote Sherman tank he'd named Hermann. These he'd decorated about the office and occasionally he took them out for walks around town. Paul sometimes tried his best to do the same, but instead he only seemed to make distorted vehicles that looked to be in agony. So instead Paul had taken to watching a lot of horror films, mainly linked to lycanthropy and werewolves.

The only one that had not taken up some sort of "hobby" was Richard; instead he would work hard and fast as the Haus-Frau, which though slightly demeaning he was quite good at. However, he did not take to the comments of bad cleaning or smelly food from Till or Flake, and often he had the fun job of separating Paul from whatever fight he'd ended up in. Once he'd even whacked Paul's fingers with a spoon after he flicked some peas across the table at Till. But with Christoph constantly going out, the others had begun noticing how Paul was becoming much more bored and unhappy.

* * *

"DIE! Dread beast from the wolf kingdom!" Paul screamed from the attic, where he had locked himself in order to practice the art of defeating werewolves with his toys. This sound was interrupted by a few thuds to the ceiling from Richard's broom handle. The taller guitarist stepped off of Till's shoulders with a gentle hop and then untied his apron and put it on the door handle. Then he took Till by the hair and lifted his head out of the bowl of cereal where he'd been slowly absorbing the milk and wheat pieces into his skin. Richard snorted at him as if he were an angry wife and waited for the milky-colored bubbles to emerge from the singer's nostrils before releasing his hair so that Till's head hit the wooden table hard and made him cuss.

"Honestly! Is Paul ever going to get over that werewolf film? I tell you he should never have been left to watch it on his own! You should have come back when you had promised to Christoph!" Richard growled with annoyance as he moved to the washing up and began putting his yellow rubber gloves on. Till was trying to focus properly, his eyes now hurt and he had not enjoyed attempt at holding his breath against milk, but now his skin was quite smooth, even with a giant bump like a door-knob upon his forehead. The sight of this only made Flake and Ollie giggle, but none of them were in a good mood because of the freaky little man upstairs.

"Alright, alright! We get the picture already Mrs. Krupse! You don't need to go on at me about the film, I was late, so what? I can't really have damaged him too greatly, could it?" Christoph questioned almost nervously at his companions. He had not been there for the any of the film, and he had not done anything when he had returned, too smothered in lipstick to want to see anyone! Instead, Flake had been told terribly scary ghost stories and now collapsed on the floor to crawl under something if anyone mentioned ghosts at all.

There was a knock on the door downstairs and Christoph was swift to stand up and hop down the stairs to open it. Ollie watched in dismay and turned toward his fellow band members, they were all concerned for their drummer. Christoph disappeared out of the house with his dark haired mistress quite quickly; passing some peanut stands run by some albino dudes, one with an albino monkey dancing a little jig to annoyingly whiny music. In the meantime his companions stared at each other around the breakfast table, pondering over this strange girlfriend.

"I don't think it's really the girlfriend we should be worrying about; I mean there's been no information about our doppelgangers for a good few weeks now. Shouldn't we just give it a rest and ignore the whole thing and go home? Imagine how dusty or sticky the keys could be on my keyboard? Not to mention that our families probably think we've dropped off the face of the earth!" Flake almost barked at his companions, but he was interrupted by the arrival of the llama as she trotted into the room and began nibbling on the bowl of dog food that was left out every night by Paul in the attempt to catch anyone being strange. But despite the coolness of Flake's words, Till was not convinced.

"Yeah, but I still think that woman's not safe, after all she seems to have dragged Christoph away from our company, and she always smells of after-shave Not only that, but I could swear she stands up when going to the bathroom." These could have been useful facts, if only for that fact that none of the other band members had tried to take a peak at a urinating individual, and that this was all coming from a man that was building a tank garage at the main desk downstairs. But though he was quite aware that his words were weird, not to mention that there was still a flake of cereal trying to absorb itself into his left temple, Till continued. "But that's just my observations of the weirdo and 'its' habits! Not only the fact that Christoph's away from us for, but also have you listened to Paul in his sleep recently? All the time he tosses and turns and whines about werewolves and pines for Christoph's company!"

"Of course we have, Mr. Obvious!" Richard growled suddenly slamming his fist to the table but then cringing because of the pain. He shook his hand about for a bit and then looked at Till with a stern mouth. "We all share the same bed! Of course we know! That and he started pawing at my foot last night."

"Which reminds me Till," Flake muttered nervously, "Can't you do something about the stink coming from your toes? I can't stand it when you kick me in the face!" This sparked off a long argument between the three men as they started grumbling about other problems and niggling like old mares. But they all paused at the shuffling sound from above their heads as Paul moved around to stare through the vent at them. Though they had all managed to grab the other and had fists raised to thump, each froze in horror and looked toward the face of the little man as he peered through the metal grating. Then with a shunting sound as the object was shut, Oliver turned to his friends nervously.

"Maybe someone should go talk to Paul, just to see if he's alright. I mean he spent all day yesterday up there and because of that; Lucy missed another training session and the teacher's thinking of pulling the plug. On that note too, I'm dead sure he's up to something devious." Ollie pondered, and for a moment there was silence, broken by a slight choking gurgle from underneath Till's chair. The large man looked down, but Flake had quickly removed the problem, it was one of his new found pets, and albino rabbit with very pointed teeth! But the others all agreed, something was up, though none of them wanted to disturb their tiny freakish companion.

* * *

There was a vote as to who was going to sort out the terrifying little creature in the attic, and by unfortunate circumstances, Oliver was chosen. So he quickly headed toward the staircase with a look of dismay upon his little friend's strange warnings on the locked hatch. He tapped at the top and then lifted the lid, stepping up two steps to stand completely in the attic. The back of the little guitarist was sitting in front of him, making slight gurgling noises!

"Is it alright to come in?" Ollie muttered nervously. He looked around him with curiously fearful eyes, but then he almost leapt in fright at the reply. Paul turned his crouched position so he faced Oliver, his eyes wide and deranged, his hands gripping two dolls tightly (one looking like him with a silver sword and another looking like Christoph with wolf ears), but the grin on his face, was psychotic.

"Ah, dear Ollie! The only person who is not in danger of becoming a werewolf!" It was an odd thing to say, but Ollie was quite relieved by it, until Paul continued. "You're only going to become a llama-man, but Flake could become a were-bunny with his crazy albino bunnies, and Richard could become a monkey-were-man-thing!"

This was not so comforting, but Ollie could clearly see the trap plans scattered around the sides of the attic and he cringed at many of them. This was not healthy, and he was in a dangerously fragile position with his companion. But it was obvious though that the werewolf film had been too influential to Paul! Oliver quickly said goodbye and hopped down the hatch, heading straight to his friends.

* * *

After explaining the possible insanity that was lurking within Paul, Oliver, Lucy, and Richard decided to head out to get the shopping. They were in need of milk and vegetables after the rabbit infestation. Neither Oliver nor Richard liked the rabbits much; they were all albinos and had been chewing everything. It had almost been as though someone were trying to force them out through starvation tactics. But that had only made Flake happy, he liked rabbits and kept them as pets, but they had all mysteriously grown savage fangs and bitten holes through the steel mesh. They got everywhere, and Till often went around with a hammer, cracking one on the head and then cooking it. Sometimes he would not even tell the others he'd killed one, it was only when they would find him washing the skins that they got nervous. But after a while of walking, Lucy did her usual business at the sight of zookeepers and stepped away. Ollie and Richard continued on, until Richard noticed the change.

"Where are you Lucy?" Richard questioned and he stepped around a corner and paced down an alleyway, hoping to find his friend's new pet. But as he carried on down the alleyway, he looked up and saw the sky go from a brilliant midday blue to the deep black of night. At first he was a little suspicious, until he spotted the twinkling stars, despite the fact that some of them looked like albino blokes in fancy dress. Even so, Richard continued on until he noted some strangely ominous music around him, it was very odd! Then he spotted something shuffling near a garbage can. He stepped over to it, and gave out a girly scream as an albino monkey turned around to snarl at him, bearing a knife! Then it lunged at him, and a fight ensued.

"Wow, who would leave a guitar string on the floor like this?" Oliver questioned, and he bent down in the middle of the street and his fingers clasped around the thin wire. He had not noticed the disappearance of Richard, let alone that Lucy was being chased up and down the high streets behind him by some eager zookeepers. He did not even seem to notice the albinos at the hill his street sat at the bottom of. Oddly enough, these assassins had a very large white and red catapult with them, it was a "Manganel", the old style used in sieges. In fact, they were loading it directly at the tall bassist with a large white boulder with a smiley face. But even so, once it was fired it missed and smashed a bakery nearby, blocking the path of the zookeepers. Even so, the albinos had a back-up plan, and then had a large skateboard, with an opera singing albino walrus on it. They let the beast loose and with a high-pitched tenor-tone, the beast slammed into the unsuspecting bassist.

* * *

In the meantime, Till and Flake had dealt with a few customers, but Flake had been spooked when Paul had come down covered in chalky powder with a zombie expression. Currently Flake was trying to encourage a young albino lady that her choice of holiday, at some strange castle, in the middle of the mountains, had too much of a high ghost risk. It was not going down too well and her large albino Alsatian kept trying to sniff up the desk where Till was working.

Of course, the giant man was none too pleased and kept shooing the dog away. The woman kept trying to explain to Flake that ghosts did not exist, but it was not working. Till was quite quickly bored and he spotted the dog stealing a tank. Immediately he began to fight it. The woman was not at all happy and dragged the dog away, the dog in turn grabbing Flake's leg and pulling the stick-like man out the door. But though Till wiped the drool off his model Tiger Tank, he heard the bell on the door ring, but failed to see any customer. Yet he became away of a scuttling motion as the bruised and llama-bashed albino monkey slunk in to try and kill someone!

"Not another rabbit!" Till growled softly, and then he stepped out of the room and started looking for the hammer. He found it quickly but became aware of the beast slinking after him. Then he heard Flake coming back with the dog barking at him, and he panicked. Quickly, Till grabbed a spare guitar that Ollie had been trying to fix out of sheer boredom, and spotted the beast. He raised the instrument and the monkey looked up at him with fear in its eyes. But Till was not impressed by any beast's pitiful looks, unless it was a dog or cat, and he bashed it over the head, smashing the guitar to pieces and yet not messing up the floor!

* * *

After the shambles at the counter, Flake returned along with the others, the shop being closed and all but Paul visible at the desk. Till was wearing his usual, nerve-wracking apron as he cooked a rabbit, and Flake was crying about the death of another rabbit, though Richard was trying to comfort him. They were all present to eat their rabbit stew, though there was something odd about it. As soon as Till settled down and Richard had finished his lecture on etiquette, the band began to eat, and Christoph went on about his odd day with Doppelkopf, going to get money from banks and such whilst carrying a plastic gun, pretending to shoot at people for her Youtube video. He had been having fun, but the others were not. Each one was slightly bruised; save Till who now had a slug-bite from another incident with a tank guarding the cabbages and a very large and vicious albino slug. When Christoph stopped, Richard began to nag.

"I got attacked by some psycho monkey with a knife! It cut my hair's spikes off onto the floor! Damn little albino creature. But when it was about to attack my makeup with it's greasy paws, there was a sound like an operatic walrus and Lucy beat the little beast around. Ruined my suit though! I had to finish the shopping quickly to pick Ollie up from hospital because he'd found some flattened albino blokes under a walrus that had gone loco!" Richard scoffed, but he was enjoying his stew and Till was snorting gently. But Christoph scoffed back at him; blaming him for getting too close to dangerous animals and that albinos had bad eyesight.

"I knew she'd be of use! But I know what you mean; I saw a lot of albino blokes wandering around the place too. Then an albino walrus that was singing hit me; luckily I only got a bruise to the chest from the impact after I flipped the skateboard. It's a shame it flew back up the hill and squashed those poor fellows. But I took the walrus to the vets and then took the people to the hospital. But it was nice of Lucy to give us a lift back!" Ollie grinned, indeed his chest had been bruised, but his competence at skateboarding had saved him from being flattened alongside the blokes with the strange catapult like device. But Christoph ignored him and Flake continued.

"Odd, but at least you're not dead. Funniest thing happened to me, Paul came down pretending to be a zombie and then I got attacked by a mongrel dog. But then there was some strange albino plumber that came in a planted something in the toilets. Next thing later Till went to the loo came back, and the bloke looked saddened. Then in a rage he went, tried something, and then blew out of the ceiling!" Flake snorted, but still Christoph went on about his girlfriend so Till ended it.

"Christoph! Go upstairs and get Paul down, he's missing dinner! Plus I haven't seen him since he tried to use that crystal-ball to bring back dead werewolves!" Till barked in the deep voice he normally only had for singing. But it made Christoph shut up and bolt up to the attic. With a snort and a few muttering of annoyance, Till settled back down to eating.

"Where's this bloke's skin?" Richard asked nervously as he continued eating, confused by the strange taste. His words made Flake and Ollie pause with some hope that it had not been one of the keyboardist's pets. But then they had too noticed the odd taste, and they were very afraid.

"Out back on the line!" Till grinned and he continued to eat quite heartily. The others froze one moment, afraid to look out of the window at the washing line. But they all dared together as Till slurped his stew. Ollie looked out at the llama, which was now squashing some albino snails and Flake was watching the rabbits getting up to their usual bunny activities, though Richard tried to cover his eyes. In fact, it was the finger-like feet, the long curling tail, and the rounded almost humans ears that made all of their stomachs churn in fright.

"Isn't that a monkey's skin?" Flake questioned with a slight edge of nervousness. The others paused and looked down at their meal, but Till continued eating. Surprisingly enough, as Richard stared at the monkey, he noticed something very familiar about it.

* * *

"Paul it's dinner time! Are you alright?" Christoph questioned as he stepped into the attic and awaiting his friend. Paul stood near the light switch, staring oddly and stroking a white rabbit like a Bond villain. Then he suddenly chuckled and turned the light off. Before Christoph could let out an exclamation, he was knocked over the head and there was a loud crashing noise from the attic.

"I'm sorry Christoph, but this is the only way to save you and test you! But I'm afraid, after surviving a savage wolf attack, this must be said." Came the gentle and saddened voice of Paul as Christoph finally awoke with a vomiting sensation in his throat and stomach, as well as a very painful head. He could see Paul, but at a slightly more vertical angle, though they were still in the attic. "But I'm afraid, the saliva in the wolf-bite will cause you to become a werewolf. Either that or give you Tetanus or maybe even Rabies. Either way it ain't good!"

"Whanantgbgt?" Came the mumbling sound of Christoph. His mouth was stuffed with both one of Till's stinky socks and a gag. He was strapped to a chair with half a mixture of silver chains, gold chains, iron chains, bicycle chains, and even a few rabbit furs. His body was covered in bruises and he was still quite dizzy from a whack to the head. His chair was hanging above a pit of water and the carnivorous and very hungry albino rabbits, jumping and nipping at his toes. But it was Paul, standing in front of him with a very hot poker in his hands.

"Hold still, this may hurt…."

* * *

_Ok, I know it doesn't really have anything to do with Doppelkopf, but does it matter? The next chapter reveals all… By the way, I put speech marks of "Manganel" because that's how the name sounds, but I can't find the correct spelling for it. If you know it, please tell me!_


	7. Ich Will Was?

**Part Seven: "Ich Will Was?"**

_Author's Note: This Chapter is today sponsored by Powergen and Egg Cards. _

* * *

After two hours of an amazing spectacle of three large German men simultaneously leaping to the window and vomiting heavily, as well as Till slurping up all of the bowls of monkey stew, there was peace. Or at least, there was only peace for those who sat calmly with bad stomachs at the table, Flake having his glasses knocked crookedly to one side.

"Mein Gott! I haven't felt this bad since Paul was mixed up about what Mississippi Mud pies were and brought Schneider a bowl of mud and wriggly things from the bottom of the river. Can't you tell the difference between a monkey and a rabbit?" Flake murmured, holding back as much vomit as possible. But Till merely shrugged, and the others shook their heads in disapproval, they did not seem to notice the ear-splitting screams from the attic, let alone the sound of gnashing rabbits and that of an electric chainsaw. Instead they began to consider everything that had happened.

"Ah well, we can always check out that car place now, can't we?" Till mused happily over the washing up. At this point, Christoph had returned only to go out again with Doppelkopf that evening. This was of course after a trip to the hospital for reconstructive surgery to his feet and re-attaching his ears after an accident with Paul and some electrical drilling equipment!

"What?" Ollie questioned as he trudged toward the washing line outside. As he took down the skins of the rabbits, and set-light to the monkey skin in case the IUCN turned up, he was interrupted as he hummed the bass-beat. This was because a random white ewe, possibly some English breed that had escaped off a freight train, had appeared by the now missing back-garden gate. He assumed it was English because it was both pregnant and he did not normally see sheep dressed with bandanas, strapped in grenades, or carrying a knife in its jaws. No, only the Norwegian Killer Sheep had ever done this, and that was through a governmental conspiracy only three young Norwegian ladies had informed them of…..

"That company that does car coverage in the UK for only…" But before Flake could finish his advertisement for the AA, Till had shoved a rabbit skin in his mouth. It was not only to save them from the annoyance of adverts but also because he enjoyed watching the little man cry over his dead pets. They had failed to notice the splotch of blood pooling on the ceiling above them, nor the dripping on the white tablecloth, which was spelling out Doppelkopf with a vast number of exclamation points.

"Calm down Lucy! The sheep won't hurt you! Awe! Now you've chased her off! Wait! COME BACK LUCY!" Ollie was screaming as he ran out of the back garden after his precious pet llama. In this moment, Richard stood up and walked out to spot the cloves of garlic and random crucifix necklaces of silver placed around the rabbit hutches. As he leant closer to stare at the glowing red eyes of the vampiric New Zealand Whites, there was a loud crash and splash in the background.

Richard turned back to see that the kitchen roof had exploded in a puddle of blood on top of Till and Flake. Ollie skated back into the garden looking sad, but both of the men looked at the odd red swimming pool in the kitchen. Where Flake was squealing in terror and ranting about the truth over the bogeyman, ghosts, ghouls, and poltergeists, as well as many fictional creations from horror films, Till was enjoying swimming in laps whilst spitting out fountains of blood, seemingly unnerved by what was going on around him. The strange occurrences had begun to take their toll on the band, and the finger of blame was crookedly bending around Schneider. They were not angry at their band-mate of course, though Christoph was a little loopy from time-to-time; instead it was this strange woman he was courting. They did not trust Frau Doppelkopf, and with good reason!

* * *

For Christoph and Doppelkopf, the cinema should have healed both prospects and opportunities for them both, but it wasn't so. The seats around them stank of garlic that was being flung at them, and every so often a silver pendant whacked Christoph around the ear. On occasion he would pause from watching the werewolf film and lean in to kiss his woman, but he was always interrupted. Sitting further back in the aisles was Paul, blinking a flash-light into Christoph's eyes to stop him from kissing. It was upsetting Christoph, Doppelkopf, and the albinos who were sitting in front of Paul and trying to keep the short guitarist from stealing their popcorn.

"Look Christoph," The harsh woman hissed into the ears of the drummer. "You don't need this trouble, there's more you can achieve without the others. After-all, you want to be happy right?"

"Ich Will!" Christoph sniggered. Luckily the dark cinema meant he could not see the rolling eyes.

"You want money too?" She questioned again.

"Ich Will!" He responded.

"You want power?"

"Ich Will!"

"You want recognition?"

"Ich WILL!"

"You want Paul to stop calling you a werewolf and screaming about you trying to eat his liver?"

"ICH WILL!" Christoph almost screamed.

"You want to destroy Rammstein, don't you?" She purred evilly into his ears.

"ICH WILL… WAS?!" Christoph coughed. What had she said just then? But Doppelkopf refused to repeat herself and instead insisted on Christoph doing her a tiny little favour….

* * *

"Where are we going Christoph? Where are we going?" Till questioned as he stuck his head outside the car window. He stuck his tongue out with the wind and looked out at the blank land around them. Paul was tied up to a baby-seat, with Richard and Flake making fun of him and his werewolf fears, whilst Ollie was tied down to the roof-rack of the car to make some more space.

"To a warehouse near a train track to watch a movie and get drunk!" Christoph smiled, but he was nervous. He still could not hook his mind around what Doppelkopf had asked him if he wanted it.

On arrival to the warehouse, Christoph let his friends inside and paced toward the door again. He needed to get the DVD off of Doppelkopf, and she was waiting on a hill a little way away. With Christoph gone the gang began to inspect their party-place. Their noses wrinkled at the scent of petrol and there was a lot of dynamite scattered around, but it was very old warehouse! What should they expect?

Instead their eyes zoomed in upon the Vodka and booze bottles around a lonely table-top. There was a lot of it and they began to down as much of it as they could before Christoph came back. Then Paul noticed the strange black box next to it, a radio! He pressed the play button very carefully and turned the volume up quite high, low and behold a party-tune was on. Straight away the band started to dance drunkenly in a circle, Paul placing his jacket over his head and doing crazy impression. The music beat out around them, growing louder as they danced to it, the song was "Dragostea Din Tei", a once popular Romanian song commonly known as the "Numa, Numa" song. But the gang were starting to feel a little disorientated, and above the jolly sounds, they could not hear the background ticking, and then it was too late….

**KABOOM!** Or **BANG, BANG! **

_

* * *

_

Coming Soon – Part 8: Train Trouble / Doppelkopf Revealed

Are Rammstein Dead?

Did Doppelkopf plan this? (Well, DUH!)

Was Christoph in on it?

Plus the true identity of Doppelkopf is revealed?

And a cameo from the bloke that played Neo in the Matrix and is the same age as my dad….. (Whatever his name is)


	8. Train Trouble

Part Eight: Train Trouble

Part Eight: Train Trouble

The smoke and ash scattered in the air and spiralled with wind to make a smoke signal that looked quite rudely suggestive in the air. On the ground the explosions continued and fire erupted around the ruins of the warehouse, Christoph was upon his knees crying in anguish whilst Doppelkopf sat near her car further away giggling insanely. Christoph's face was smothered in tears as he placed his face to the ground and prayed to god for the lives of his friends back. His moment of prayer made him ignore the shadows in the flame.

Like superheroes emerging with a crowd of people they'd saved, a troop of five men stepped out of the flames with heads held high and grins on their smug faces. Their bodies had no mark of soot, ash, or burn and they seemed to be quite unaware of the explosions behind them. They marched to Christoph's side and stared at him blankly, what was so entertaining about the ground? With a few shrugs of their shoulders, four of the men began to march with narrowed eyes toward Doppelkopf, whose grin had faded by now. Paul stood beside Christoph grinning at him.

"You know, it turns out that you're not a werewolf after-all! We thought you'd put us in there so that we wouldn't be torn apart by you! But I'm glad that cheap booze was so cheap, we'd all dived outside to take a leak in a bush when the explosion happened. Useful things, bladders I mean!" Paul chuckled smugly and he looked curiously at Christoph. The drummer slowly raised his head up to look at them and gasped with surprise. Then he lunged forward and gripped Paul in a hug, which the shorter fellow did not necessarily enjoy.

"You're alive!" Christoph beamed and then he started kissing the sides of his friend's face. Paul managed to push him away and give him a smack round the face to help him focused. Christoph shock his head and then he heard a shriek and turned around. He and Paul stood nervously watching for a few moments as Till, Richard, Ollie, and Flake were chasing Doppelkopf around her car in circles. When one of them finally realised what was going on, Till was stopped and turned around with a fist raised. Then the next thing they know there was a loud smacking sound and crack where Doppelkopf's face collided with the fist and she fell on the floor, heavily. Paul and Christoph galloped over.

"As a note Christoph, you mean more to us then an old woman, 'Bros before Hoes' right?" Paul chuckled as they slowed down on reaching the car, which was missing half a side due to some flying bits of burning shrapnel from the building. Paul's eyes caught Christoph's confusion and he shrugged in agreement. "I never understood that either! After-all, I thought that a hoe was a kind of gardening thing!"

"WOW! How'd have thought this girl was actually a bloke? Come over and have a look Christoph!" Ollie suddenly chirruped at the sight of the creature Till had just knocked out. Till was apologising gently until he also noticed what was going on. Where there had been the face of a pretty woman grinning at what was going on, a now very beardy fellow was sitting in a red dress on the floor with his legs open. Quickly Richard kicked him to close them and Paul chuckled at Christoph, but the drummer looked very unhappy.

"BLUUUAAEEEAARRRGGGGHH!" Christoph leapt behind his companions toward the hill edge and began to vomit violently. He seemed quite occupied so the others did not bother him, though Paul continued to giggle. Swiftly Till's forearm lunged forward and gripped Doppelkopf around the neck, tightly. He lifted the bloke upward into the air and then leaned him against the remaining half of the car, if only because Till did not want be holding a guy up on his own for longer then was necessary.

"So, Doppelkopf, if that's even your name, Hairy!" Flake screeched, though he had to jump up and down a bit to actually look Doppelkopf full in the face. Doppelkopf tried to keep a straight look on him, but as his face was starting to go blue and his cheeks were swelling, and his eyes were spinning crazily, Till loosened his grip a little. For a few seconds Doppelkopf gasped in as much air as was possible before staring at them nervously. But just as it looked as though he was going to say something, Christoph stood up from vomiting and was making a lot of noise.

"Oh mein Gott! I've been going out with a man! I Kissed a Friggin' man!" Christoph was screaming as he began running up and down behind the five blokes. Till's evil face slackened into one of annoyance and he looked toward Paul, ushering him to see to Christoph with a flick of his fingers. In the mean time Richard proceeded with the questioning.

"CONFESS! Who's hired you to kill us?" Richard questioned, pointing a very rigid index figure right into the face of the strange being. His face was crumpled up as if he was chewing a wasp, but he was serious enough to avoid the strange sounds coming from Christoph. But the being said nothing and so Flake was ordered to get some form of torturing device to use. The simple mention of torture and the grins on the faces of the four band members, whilst Paul stood idly by watching Christoph, was enough to make Doppelkopf crack.

"There's no real name for them! I just know them as the AA!" He pleaded suddenly, his voice amazingly deep and the screams from Christoph becoming much more intense. He hastily put a hand to his hip and fiddled around with a strange hole in the side of his red dress, which now just made him look like a drag-act. The others were nervous, that area was a dangerous place to stick your hand, and they were still not very sure of what Doppelkopf really was. But instead of anything worrying, a simple piece of paper with an address on was produced. "This is where I was told to report you dead, that building is where they've been working for a while now. Yargh, I'm not attractive now am I?"

"OH GOD, WHY?" Christoph screamed in terror at the sound of the steadily deepening masculine voice. She as floundering about in circles so much that he quickly tripped over the top of a mole-hill, kicking the approaching mole in the face, and banged his head on the edge of the hill. Then he commenced to roll down the side of the steep hillock the band were parked on. More and more he rolled, whilst Paul watched curiously, until of course he landed with his head in the middle of the train track and the sound of an approaching train could be heard. Only then did Paul suddenly decide to take his duty seriously.

"Ummm…. Guys…." Paul whined. He looked toward his startled and dazed drummer, who was saying something about pretty colours on the train-track below, and then he looked to the actual rail-track. By his guess it would not be long before the train hit Christoph, and he began to jump up and down in front of his distracted fellows!

"Looks like we'll have to go to that bank and…." Till had begun as he pawed the piece of paper Doppelkopf had given them. But he was forced to turn and look at Paul, who was making a few feeble gestures toward the train tracks. A look of bemusement was upon the faces of his fellow band mates, but on seeing the train and Christoph, all four of them gave Paul a little smack on the head and then they headed toward the track at full speed.

A good deal of running took place and Doppelkopf was left to make a clean escape into only half a car! The running also consisted of a good deal of tripping over Ollie, falling and then rolling down the hill with Flake being dragged behind. On reaching the train track they managed to grab Christoph and hold him aloft and out of the way just as the train went rushing past. But some evil villain must have seen them trying to save their companion, because a large net emerged from an open freight carriage and scooped them all inside and they were stuck on the train heading far away from Doppelkopf.

"How'd I get on the train?" Christoph murmured as he stood up beside the others. They all shrugged their shoulders and looked about them. The train was going by amazingly fast and they could only make out a few green hills and a random road every now and again. It was obvious though that they were just going around in a circle, but it was so fast they did not think they could just leap off the train. But worst of all Richard sat down and lifted a cloth away from something beside him that was ticking. This caused an amazing amount of panic.

"OH MY GOD! There's a BOMB! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE IN A BIG BANG!" Paul and Christoph began to cry and ran in circles around the bomb, even Till looked a bit panicked by it and eventually found himself running around in circles with the two loons. But Richard, Ollie, and Flake were staring at intensely, surely with their combined intelligence they could come up with some plan to save the day?

"Don't worry, in a situation like this, Keanu Reeves always come to save the day?" Richard stood proudly and raised his finger high in the air for making such a point. But though the silly trio paused in their running to look at him with hope, Flake shook his head in confusion. But Oliver felt confused as well, only he felt compelled to question Richard.

"Who's Keanu Reeves? Is he that guy from Speed and then the Matrix?" The bass player questioned, scratching his bald head with confusion. Richard nodded his head slowly, but though they looked outside expectantly, there was no sign and they all suddenly realised that there was only ten minutes left to decide what to do. So Oliver volunteered his idea. "Don't worry, I'll call for help from the animal friends that we might have in the vicinity!" With a look of surprise claiming the face of the other band members, Ollie stood tall, though he bumped his head against the top of the crate-like carriage, and then he gave out a funny sound like a rhino in the mating season and thumped his chest like a mad gorilla. This of course was imitated by the others and they all ducked out of the way when Till got a little carried away and began making monkey sounds.

"What was that?" Paul asked, standing up after they had all ducked away from Till throwing things. Christoph shrugged his shoulders, but they still looked around hopefully. After five minutes they sighed deeply and began to huddle together, crying and sobbing gently as they prepared to die. Carefully they formed a circle and then became a heap as they group hugged, crying loudly and making puddles on the floor.

But hope was at hand for them once more. With a sound like something clopping along and then some odd-looking toes appearing along the nearby track, they all cried in joy. A llama with a familiar looking grin on its face leapt within the cart and bleated at them all to hop on her back. Swiftly Ollie hugged Lucy and got on first, and then the others did as quickly as was possibly, thanking the llama but then giving shrieks of surprise as she leapt off and ran for it.

A little later, a figure dressed in black leather and sunglasses was bouncing happily against the hills along the train track. He got into the crate where the band had been and made a tu-dah sound, expecting to hear applause. Yes, Keanu Reeves had turned up to save them from this terrible doom, but he gave a grunt of annoyance when he realised they were not present. Then he turned to check the bomb, noticed it said two seconds, and managed a quick gulp before being blown up with the train.

**Next time: Part Nine – Bank Heist **

_Well, Doppelkopf's given them the information they need to clear their name, so, what are the band about to do? Not many people break into a bank they've already been filmed breaking into as part of a music video, but this time Rammstein have a bigger reason for it, only why are they not even trying to cover themselves? Why the long speeches? Plus, why's Till playing around with a news camera when they're about to be attacked by some of their doubles? _


	9. Bank Heist

**Part Nine – Bank Heist **

_Well, Doppelkopf's given them the information they need to clear their name, so, what are the band about to do? Not many people break into a bank they've already been filmed breaking into as part of a music video, but this time Rammstein have a bigger reason for it, only why are they not even trying to cover themselves? Why the long speeches? Plus, why's Till playing around with a news camera when they're about to be attacked by some of their doubles? _

"Good day ladies and gentlemen! We are the infamous band, Rammstein, and we've come to rob the bank today!" Till commanded as the band of six terrifying and middle-aged German metal stars slammed the swinging doors of the bank open and stepped in. As most of them moved into the view of the public Paul let go of his door a little too early and it hit Christoph clean in the nose, making him fall back onto the floor complaining. Ollie stepped aside from the group toward the left and Flake stepped to the right, allowing Paul, Richard, and Till to walk through the seemingly unmoved crowd. The queues were long and they did not seemed impressed, until Till accidentally pushed past on old lady that was carrying a briefcase filled with thousands of €100 notes. She turned around, barked at him for pushing in and began to hit him in the arm with her tattered old handbag as Richard continued to march to the front of the slow moving queue.

"For your own health and safety we implore you to walk out of all exits, including fire exits, at a steady and controlled pace! Without of course panicking or making too much noise." Richard continued, stepping toward the front of the queue whilst the old lady continued to hit Till's arm with her handbag. He stepped to the very front, waving his hands to the side as if he was a very bored airhostess, and then he called Paul to his side as they stood on the counter tops, very shakily.

"That's right, because we've done this before and last time some people died! I think we sort of did too…" Paul muttered, removing a gun from his side and raising it up to itch his head. The gun's type was something that the crowds of bank members had only seen in movies, and as such they were sceptic at first. However, when Paul accidentally hit the trigger whilst itching his head, the gun did in fact go-off, only it just shot out a security camera to the right. This made the bored members of the public screech in terror and charge their way out of the building and away from the band.

"Nice aim Paul! But did you have to act so casual about it?" Ollie questioned with a grin as he looked toward the mangled piece of camera. He was not alone and even though he was rubbing a very sore arm, Till was also impressed by the aim and made a note of it too. But Paul remained his ever casually confused self and questioned curiously.

"I hit what now?" He questioned with the blankest expression on his face the others had ever seen. Once again Paul itched his head and the gun fired again. This time he hit a loose tile that feel down and shattered over his head, knocking him right onto the floor with a low groan. Suddenly the others made a quick attempt to withdraw their previous statements and then began to wander off toward the counters after they managed to get behind the panes of thick glass.

"Come on idiots, the boxes are back here!" Richard snorted as he stepped toward a tightly closed door with a big bolt that was possibly a big safe-lock. The others shuffled over and stared at it with complete confusion, until Till kicked it. Nothing happened, except a low rattling sound and the alarms being set off. Not to mention that Till was jumping around giving out yelps of pain. Then for some unknown reason the door managed to open with a massive clunking sound, so the four still unharmed members stepped inside and looked at the stacked shelves.

They stared at the big metal cases and they were a bit surprised by the long series of letters on the boxes. The whole room seemed cold and too restricted and ordered for the liking of any metal group, not even a German one! But Richard thumbed around his pockets searching for the piece of paper with the information as his band mates explored. Till was still rolling around behind the cashiers' desks in pain, yelping like a wounded animal, but Paul had found something entertaining; a security camera. Immature as ever, Paul began making faces into the camera, and was quickly joined by Flake, who started making funny faces as well. In the meantime Richard found the note and used Ollie's height and Christoph's drumming skills (which consisted on randomly hitting the boxes until they heard something interesting), they located box 69, and after a series of giggles and jokes, pulled it out.

"Here we are… The location of the castle is in… Oh, it seems we've got to go to SWITZERLAND?" Christoph shrieked as he read out the letter that had been in the box, his voice swimming with horror. He passed it around still trying to figure out whether this was indeed the truth. The others had frozen in shock, though Paul was still too busy making armpit farts at the camera. Then Schneider suddenly thought of an incident that had happened many years ago… "That explains why that Swiss Muesli leapt out of the cereal cupboard and whacked me in the face! I had a black eye for a week because of it! Not to mention a cut on my nose from those sharp cardboard corners!"

"It was the Swiss? Why?" Ollie began to question, looking around with horror in his eyes. For him it was like the fabric of the universe was suddenly breaking and becoming a big flat screen where Richard was wearing jewellery for women. Ollie only had to blink once or twice to realise it was reality and that Richard had just found the rest of the items in the box to his liking. In the meantime Flake was trying to figure the situation out as Paul continued to harass the camera, this time doing an impression of the "scream" painting.

"I always thought they were Neutral? Why have they turned on us suddenly?" Till questioned as he scratched his head. This really did not make any sense. What the hell would have caused a whole country to turn on them? It was not like they'd ever said the Swiss were crazy lunatics, or sung humiliating songs relating to their country's attitude, with the country just singing along blankly. Nope... Till could not think of anything as he stepped toward the door and noticed the large mass of police cars outside the building. "You know... I just realised something..."

"Well Rammstein, it's time to get to action!" Paul suddenly darted beside Till, knocking him in the face so he turned around and grabbed the smaller guy's head. Till tried to push Paul into the ground, but it had no effect as Paul happily bent his knees under the weight and sidled away. He'd been trying to sound cool of course, but the others simply regarded him as trying to pull off some cartoon hero crap.

"This is the police, hoping to talk to the members of the band, 'Rammstein'. Come out with your hands up!" The sound resonated through the building and was clearly coming from a megaphone. For some reason the band froze, as if they truly were criminals, but then they sighed and shrugged their shoulders. They probably just wanted an autograph or something. But when there was a sudden tinkling noise like a can being thrown, they looked to the floor.

"Oh dear, I have the funniest feeling we are about to die." Richard uttered nervously amongst his fellows, but they simply eyed him nervously. But as the green smoke cloud began to hiss and rise up around them, the fellows began to think of different things. All their problems did not seem to matter any more and there was nothing but wonder to come. Who cared about Switzerland? There were delicious pastries floating into the vault to come and collect them. Surely this was not a bad thing...

_Next Time... _

_**Ten: The Truth Revealed **_

_Rammstein are about to get killed by the police, or are they? What will happen when they escape and realise they need to get to Switzerland? Will Richard's sense of doom ever fade? Who is this strange woman that wants to help them out and looks like a person from their videos? What will happen when the AA send out one of their canine assassins? All or maybe some of this in the next exciting instalment! _


End file.
